Boundaries in Therapy: What They Actually Mean
"Boundaries" might be one of the most-used, least-understood words in mental health right now. It shows up in every self-help book, every group chat, every Instagram caption and somewhere along the way, it started meaning almost anything. A boundary. A preference. An ultimatum. A vibe.
In this roundtable episode of Therapeutically Aligned, I sat down with two clinicians; Dr. Shereen Mohsen, a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Relucent Psychology Group, and Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT, a group practice owner specializing in EMDR, to actually pull the concept apart. What counts as a boundary? What doesn't. And why even therapists don't always agree on where the line is.
What We Talk About
The difference between a boundary and a preference. We start with the Jonah Hill example, the story about him asking his then-girlfriend to stop posting swimsuit photos, which got called a "boundary" in headlines everywhere. Laurel breaks down why that's actually a request, or an expectation, not a boundary and why the distinction matters more than it seems.
Boundary crossing vs. boundary violation. These get used interchangeably, but they're not the same thing, and conflating them can create a lot of unnecessary shame — both for the person setting the boundary and the person who crossed it. Shereen connects this to one of the most common reasons clinicians actually lose their license.
Why clinicians don't always agree with each other. Including a story about a cookie I once brought to a grad school class that turned into a long conversation about professional boundaries. (For the record: it was just a cookie.)
Financial boundaries in private practice. Why so many therapists choose not to take insurance and why that decision is about more than money. Laurel walks through how private pay functions as a time and relational boundary, not just a financial one.
Work boundaries and burnout. We get into the "badge of honor" so many high-achievers wear for exhaustion, and what it actually means to lend your nervous system to an employer around the clock.
Boundaries on screen. A lighter closing conversation about how shows like Shrinking portray (and sometimes misportray) boundary violations in therapy.
Meet the Panel
Dr. Shereen Mohsen, PsyD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and owner of Relucent Psychology Group in San Jose, CA. She specializes in neurodivergence, trauma, EMDR, IFS, and ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, and works extensively with clients navigating non-traditional relationship structures.
Laurel van der Toorn, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and group practice owner specializing in EMDR. She works with tech workers, lawyers, executives, and clients in the entertainment industry.
Kealy Spring, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in San Francisco, working with individuals and couples on perfectionism, imposter syndrome, anxiety, and communication. She also hosts Therapeutically Aligned, a podcast dedicated to demystifying therapy and helping people find the right clinician and approach for them.
Watch or Listen
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
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